Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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