He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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