Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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