it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
