Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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