Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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