just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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