It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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