he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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