Dual....:-)
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
