"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just forgot I was standing up.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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