There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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