you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
