sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
