he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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