did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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