I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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