Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
