I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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