last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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