just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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