She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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