can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
