You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize