you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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