It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
is it fun? or sober?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
