She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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