You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize