he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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