Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you inspire me to be a worse person
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
