When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize