jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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