he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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