; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
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