So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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