jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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