JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
