My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
