Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
