Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
