is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize