dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He did a backflip because drugs
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