Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
