So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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