i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There's always time for handjobs
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
