I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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