nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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