it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
