UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
