This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
