Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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