you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize