Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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