The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
