i just sent this text using only my big toe
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
