Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
