went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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