In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just had sex on a roof
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
