tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She said her name was "party"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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