I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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