I'd wear matching sweaters with you
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
